


You're the beat playing in my heart

by Felixseo (kafkao)



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Childhood Friends to Lovers, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Light Angst, M/M, happy ending I promise
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-19
Updated: 2019-03-26
Packaged: 2019-11-24 18:43:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 8,723
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18168722
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kafkao/pseuds/Felixseo
Summary: “Can you just admit you’re in love with Hyunjin already?”Seungmin shakes his head like Jisung is talking utter rubbish (he is)“Don’t be silly." Seungmin sighs. "Hyunjin is my best friend.” and that’s that on that.(Except, it isn’t.)





	1. i.

**Author's Note:**

> OOF ! Writing this was such a roller coaster, I have such a love/hate relationship with this fic honestly. Anyw i hope u guys enjoy, it's rated teen and up bc binsung are gross sometimes but there's nothing explicitly mentioned not in this christian household
> 
> Also happy birthday Hyunjin i love you more than Seungmin does
> 
> Title taken from the Edge of Tonight by All Time Low

Seungmin meets Hyunjin when he’s five and Hyunjin isn’t much older. Seungmin knows Hyunjin, not really by name, but by face, because Seoyeon had whispered about her crush when she asked to borrow Seungmin’s glue stick two days ago. Seungmin had frowned, asked Seoyeon what a _crush_ is, but Seoyeon had only flipped her pony tail and turned back to giggling with Chaeyoung over her Lee Donghae poster.

Seungmin wonders if Seoyeon would still find Hyunjin attractive right now if she was to see him in the middle of the playing field with his index finger up his left nostril.

“You shouldn’t do that you know,” He says when he approaches him. Seungmin doesn’t really want to speak to Hyunjin, in fact he’s got half an unread book to finish in the grip of his left hand that he’d _much_ rather be occupied with, but he feels like someone needs to be a grown up around this boy who doesn’t really seem to know the basic rules of hygiene.

“Why not?”

Seungmin sighs and wonders how Hyunjin has lived a whole _five years of life_ yet doesn’t know the dangers of picking his own nose.

“My mom says if you put your finger in your nose it might get stuck there. Noses aren’t for fingers. And fingers are _not_ for noses.” Seungmin sniffs matter-of-factly. Hyunjin looks slightly alarmed,

“Stuck?” He repeats, “Like- it won’t come out?”

Seungmin sighs.

“Yes, that is what stuck means.”

Hyunjin promptly removes his finger and wipes it over his jeans. Seungmin has to try _really_ hard not to visibly gag.

“Hyunjin.” He says sticking the same hand out. Seungmin’s eyes widen, then suddenly he shows Hyunjin the book in his left hand,

“I have to go return this to the library.” He says before sprinting off in the complete opposite direction of where the library is.

 

It’s a story the two boys will never forget, their favourite story to tell, and nine years later, Seungmin tells it to Hyunjin once more to soothe him.

Seungmin has a pair of tweezers gripped between his fingers, and he’s pointing them directly at Hyunjin’s eyebrows.

“Are you _sure_ you know what you’re doing?” Hyunjin asks nervously, and Seungmin forces the most confident smile he can muster, twinkly eyes of mischief giving him away.

“Of course,” He says, “My sister taught me, she knows exactly what she’s doing.”

Hyunjin frowns,

“Could we not do this during the holidays? We have school tomorrow and I don’t want to turn up with disastrous eyebrows…”

“If we don’t do something you’re going to look disastrous anyway!” Seungmin insists. He inches slightly closer, and tightly holds Hyunjin by the arms when it looks like the other is planning a getaway, _“Trust me.”_

Hyunjin screams when the first hair is plucked, but Seungmin doesn’t stop, not until he’s satisfied with the shape of Hyunjin’s eyebrows. It was silly, really, the whole reason why they’re there in the first place. Seungmin had carefully watched his sister do exactly the same thing in the bathroom mirror at home and he’d rushed over to Hyunjin’s house not even an hour later, bursting into the other’s room with a yell of _I know exactly how to get Seoyeon to ask you on a date._

Hyunjin honestly didn’t think his eyebrows were terrible looking, in fact, he actually thought they were pretty neat, but Seungmin _insisted_ that girls like pretty eyebrows and Seungmin was a lot better at these things than Hyunjin was.

“There.” Seungmin says, taking a step back. He thinks he’s done pretty okay. They look a lot thinner, and there’s quite a bit of hair on Hyunjin’s jeans because they hadn’t been smart enough to think about doing it in the bathroom, but they don’t look too bad-

“Boys, lunch is ready if you want to- _Hwang Hyunjin what have you done?”_

Seungmin gets sent home less than five minutes later after Hyunjin’s mother scolds them both, and when Hyunjin turns up to school the next day his eyebrows are filled in with a brow pen.

“She didn’t like it?”

Hyunjin sadly shakes his head,

“Said they look like a girl’s.” He sighs, “And if Seoyeon _really_ wanted to date me she wouldn’t care about my eyebrows.”

Seungmin hugs Hyunjin tightly, squeezes him hard before letting him go. He’s starting to feel a little sorrowful.

“I’m sorry Jinnie, your mom’s right. If Seoyeon rejects you because of your eyebrows then she’s kind of dumb.”

Hyunjin snorts but nods.

“Yeah, I’ll just ask her out and see what happens.”

To both boys surprise Seoyeon excitedly nods before Hyunjin can even finish asking her out, an _I’d love to_ slipping past her lips, before she turns bright red and runs off giggling.

(Hyunjin has to get her number off Chaeyoung the next day because Seoyeon absolutely refuses to face him, still giggly and embarrassed from being asked out. Hyunjin tells Seungmin girls are weird and Seungmin makes kissy faces at him for the rest of the week.)

 

Hyunjin dates Seoyeon all throughout middle school, and the first year of ninth grade before he comes running into Seungmin’s arms one day, whilst Seungmin is lying on his bed math homework on the floor as he desperately tries not to drift into a nap.

Seungmin can’t see Hyunjin’s face because he buries it straight into Seungmin’s chest, making him release a soft _oof_ before realising who it is. It doesn’t take long for Seungmin to realise Hyunjin is _crying,_ and so Seungmin just comforts him, gently patting his back and stroking his hair allowing the other to let out whatever he needs to. Hyunjin sniffles, and Seungmin is pretty sure there’s snot on his shirt, but he really can’t bring himself to care when Hyunjin emerges looking completely _wrecked_ because it breaks Seungmin’s heart to see his best friend with red rimmed eyes and tear tracks on his cheeks, the tears themselves still falling and dripping off his chin.

“Who am I fighting?” Is the first thing Seungmin says and it cracks a small, weak smile on Hyunjin’s lips, which is enough for Seungmin to relax a little.

“Seoyeon dumped me,” Hyunjin says, voice shaky, “Said she doesn’t love me anymore.”

Seungmin’s eyes widen,

 _“What?_ That’s _bullshit.”_

“Don’t be silly. She wasn’t going to love me forever.” Hyunjin sighs as he buries his face back into Seungmin’s neck. Seungmin pats his hair gently. “Just hurts is all.” He mumbles.

Seungmin isn’t quite sure what to say, he doesn’t know when Hyunjin grew so mature, so understanding of other people, but he’s glad he did, because he’s not sure he could deal with a distraught _and_ angry Hyunjin.

Hyunjin spends three days hibernating in Seungmin’s room before Seungmin forces him to take a shower and eat some actual food, because if this is how he’s going to deal with every breakup he ever has then Seungmin doesn’t want to be his best friend anymore.

Hyunjin complies, begs Seungmin to not leave his side, before agreeing to go out and get some fresh air with him.

Two hours later, when they’re at a coffee shop and three girls in the corner are giggling at his face, Hyunjin finally starts to feel a little better.

Hyunjin has just turned seventeen when he ends up in three more relationships in the span of four months. Seungmin thinks it’s ridiculous, doesn’t know why Hyunjin does what he does, and he tells him as much when Hyunjin crawls into bed with him one night.

“Dunno what you mean.” Hyunjin sniffs against Seungmin’s neck. He shouldn’t be doing this. His current boyfriend told him he doesn’t like how close he acts with Seungmin, but Hyunjin has already planned to break up with him soon. Anyone who disapproves of his best friend doesn’t deserve much space in his life- if any at all.

“All these relationships, all these boys and girls that you _clearly_ don’t care about.” Seungmin clarifies. Hyunjin huffs, blinking his long lashes so they tickle Seungmin’s neck. Seungmin shrieks, a hand reaching out to pinch Hyunjin on his forearm. Hyunjin shrieks equally loud, immediately moving away and causing his head to bump against Seungmin’s chin. Seungmin groans in pain.

“Minnie,” Hyunjin groans, “Was that really necessary?”

“Not everything in life is necessary, Jinnie.” Seungmin responds.

“Like my relationships.” Hyunjin says after a pause, “They’re not necessary. I just wanna try.”

Seungmin eyes Hyunjin like he’s just said the most absurd thing, and Hyunjin supposes, if he’d heard someone else say those words, he’d probably be looking at them the same way.

“These are people, Jinnie.” Seungmin says finally, “You can’t just trial _people._ You’ll hurt them.”

“You hurt me,” Hyunjin says, “With your ugly sleeping with socks obsession. That really hurts me.”

Seungmin snorts, and then just to annoy Hyunjin, he wiggles his socked feet against Hyunjin’s under the blanket, who shrieks at the feeling of it. Seungmin smiles smugly.

“I’m not going to stop sleeping with socks because you think it’s ugly.” Seungmin says, and Hyunjin rolls his eyes,

“You’ll never get a girlfriend like that.” He says. Seungmin shrugs,

“Don’t want a girlfriend.”

“A boyfriend then.”

Seungmin shrugs once more, eyes downcast,

“Not really feeling one of those either.”

Hyunjin says nothing, but the question is dancing on his tongue, so Seungmin answers it to put his mind at rest,

“I’m not aro or anything like that.” He clarifies, “Just not looking for a relationship.”

Hyunjin looks away for a moment, then back at Seungmin, then at the wall behind him. It’s a struggle to keep his voice even when he finally speaks again,

“I’ll break up with him tomorrow.”

 

Seungmin doesn’t think twice when applying to all the same universities as Hyunjin. It’s easy really, he can study his chosen major at any of these places and he’s guaranteed a spot at most of them, so he’ll likely accept whatever Hyunjin does.

Hyunjin wants to study dance in Seoul, right in the core of a city that is bright and lively regardless of the hour, and Seungmin easily agrees, despite none of that being his scene. At eighteen both boys pack a ridiculous amount of shit into the back of Hyunjin’s mom’s car who drives them to the train station and tells them not to pluck each other’s eyebrows as a warning (Seungmin wonders how she still remembers that) before hugging them both tightly and telling them to study hard and not party too much. The boys give each other sneaky grins before wiping at their eyes with the sleeves of their shirts, desperate not to make this _sappy_ and then the train is arriving and before they know it, they’re hopping on board, alone, together, and off to start a new life in a new city and a new school. Just the two of them.

They’re not dorming together, but they’re not far either. Seungmin’s roommate is a loud boy with a heart-shaped smile who introduces himself as Jisung, a first year art major. Hyunjin’s roommate is slightly quieter, a boy with orange hair and nice eyes, Felix- a dance major.

Hyunjin is in Seungmin’s room not even three hours later, having slept on the whole train journey, he doesn’t wish to take the nap that Seungmin is desperately trying to avoid. Seungmin immediately befriends Felix after finding out they’re taking a majority of the same classes.

Their small group grows closer, and as the seasons change, so do they. But unlike the switch from a hot summer to a harsh winter, the four boys only warm up to one another, it being rare to see any of them alone. Jisung brings brightness and smiles; he’s mouthy loud but soft around the edges, like a pleasant sunshine. Felix on the other hand is a lot quieter, not completely confident in his language skills, yet simultaneously a comforting presence. If Jisung is the sun- then Felix is the moon, empathetic and compassionate at night.

Seungmin thinks he and Hyunjin fit in like the stars and the planets- they need both Jisung and Felix to survive, but also one another. With Hyunjin’s crazy ideas and Seungmin’s sensible instincts, their quadripartite friend group feels complete.

Mid-terms come slow and fast all at once, and Seungmin feels like the world is stuck on a broken record because it’s all he hears for three weeks _prior_ to the first week of exams. Jisung comes in and out of their room about six times a day, each time muttering something about a thesis and assignments before leaving again, paint staining his white shirt and chalk constantly bleeding over his fingers. He’s pretty, Seungmin thinks, even when he has charcoal on his face, yet when he voices this to him, Jisung laughs bashfully and says Seungmin needs to get some fresh air.

They’re three days into exam week, Seungmin hasn’t seen Felix in ten days and he was woken up by Jisung bumping straight into the coffee machine at four in the morning, then he couldn’t sleep for fifty-five minutes which ultimately ruined his sleep schedule (not that he’s _had_ much of that since October) so he’s desperately trying not to fall asleep in his lunch sandwich in the cafeteria, when a stranger suddenly occupies the seat next to him. Seungmin is slightly startled; he’s pretty sure he doesn’t look even the slightest bit welcoming, so what’s this guy doing? Upon further inspection, Seungmin realises it’s Changbin- a second year art major, who hangs around Jisung a lot and once fell asleep on their dorm floor. He has a cute nose and a sharp chin, his eyes are piercing- more so underneath the black cap he is wearing that covers his mop of dark hair. He’s slightly intimidating- until he pouts.

“Wh-” Seungmin splutters, completely confused. Is Changbin so sleep deprived that he’s mistaken Seungmin for Jisung? Seungmin’s had some crazy encounters this week, but he hasn’t had anyone think he’s _fucking_ _Jisung._

“Is Jisung still single?” Changbin asks, pout still stubborn on his face.

“Why don’t you ask him?” Seungmin responds slowly, still entirely confused by the whole ordeal.

“I can’t make it obvious!”

“Make what obvious?”

“That I wanna date him!”

Seungmin is shocked, slightly (quite a lot), till he finally manages to get a grasp of the situation and gently places his sandwich onto the (gross) table top, turning his full attention to Changbin.

“Hyung,” Seungmin begins, “Why are you here?”

Apparently, Changbin had been in love with Jisung since the day they met, about three months ago, and Jisung is dense as hell (Changbin’s words) so he needs someone to knock some sense into him.

“Hyung, don’t you think he would have said something if he liked you back?” Seungmin asks, to which Changbin replies that Jisung doesn’t know much of anything, forget how to confess feelings.

“I don’t really get what you’re asking me to do.” Seungmin says finally, and Changbin pouts some more before asking him to stay out of his room till the end of the week. Seungmin gapes,

“I have _exams._ Can’t this wait?”

Changbin insists that it really, totally cannot wait even another day, and he _really_ needs Seungmin to clear his stuff and go find somewhere else to stay whilst Changbin attempts to make his move on Jisung, and because Seungmin is a perfect angel who nobody deserves in their life (and also because he may have heard one too many rants about how pretty Changbin is from Jisung himself in the last month or so) he agrees to ask Hyunjin to deal with him until the end of the week.

To Seungmin’s luck, Felix spends a majority of his time in the room a floor above theirs during exam season, because he has an insomniac classmate who willingly helps him study until five in the morning without once threatening to kick him out. Seungmin thinks there may be someone who is slightly more of a saint than he is when he learns this from Hyunjin after he’s finished unpacking in his room.

“You’re staying _three_ nights.” Hyunjin interjects when he sees everything Seungmin has brought from his room _down the hall,_ but Seungmin insists it’s all necessary, before setting up his Mulberry Silk pillow on Felix’s vacant bed.

 

“Seriously, Felix will have a fit if he knows you’re sleeping with _socks_ in his bed.”

Seungmin huffs and turns to face the wall, tired of listening to Hyunjin bringing up the same issue over and over again for the last fifteen minutes. He really couldn’t care less about Felix’s disgust towards socks in his bed, but Hyunjin seems insistent on reminding him.

“Really, one time-”

 _“Jinnie!”_ Seungmin exclaims, exasperated. “Let me sleep.”

There’s a pause. And then,

_“But the socks, Minnie.”_

Seungmin groans, pulls the covers back then slips out of bed and pads over towards Hyunjin’s bed. Hyunjin’s eyes are wide in the dim light of his lampshade. Seungmin is still glaring.

“Move over.” He says. Hyunjin is briefly shaken before he does as told, and Seungmin snuggles in next to him in his teeny tiny bed, the size causing them to squish against one another. Hyunjin is warm and smells like Shea butter body wash, and it feels homely. Seungmin tries to recall the last time he slept in the same bed as his best friend, and realises it was probably before they came to college. That was six months ago.

“I can’t believe we’re sleeping in one bed when there’s literally a whole empty bed on the other side of the room.”

Seungmin rolls his eyes and turns to face Hyunjin.

“First of all, stop breathing on my neck.” Hyunjin snickers and then moves closer, breathing heavier than he was before. Seungmin kicks him in the shin. “Secondly,” He continues when Hyunjin’s finished his melodramatic reaction to a very gentle kick, “I’m only here because you wouldn’t get off my case about Felix’s disliking towards socks in his bed.”

“He _really-”_

“Okay! I get it! Goodnight!”!

Seungmin turns over so they’re no longer facing each other and within seconds he’s fallen asleep, no longer bothered about Hyunjin’s warm breath on his neck, nor the arm that he finds wrapped around his waist in the morning.

It becomes a thing. Jisung and Changbin end up together and midterms end quickly so Felix is back in his own room, but Seungmin finds comfort in Hyunjin’s bed. He takes all his belongings back to his own room (there’s a lot, and Felix really _does_ hate socks) but every night, he somehow finds himself drawn to their room and slipping under Hyunjin’s covers.

It begins when Seungmin comes back late one night only to hear strange noises coming from his room, so he heads straight to Felix and Hyunjin’s room, _Sungie and Changbin are being gross_ being his only explanation before he eases himself under Hyunjin’s blankets. But it soon turns into a comfort, and then a routine, and before Seungmin knows it, his own bed is pretty much empty every night, whilst Hyunjin’s is on the verge of breaking, because it really isn’t made to fit two grown teenage boys, but they both silently agree they’ll wait until it gives out before they do anything about it.

“Are you and Hyunjin dating?”

The question catches Seungmin off guard- it should, because he’s trying to work on an assignment, halfway through a Google search of _other words for ‘this shows that’_ and it’s only natural that he drops his laptop to the ground in shock.

“Sorry, what?” He says finally, but Jisung is on the floor laughing, barely capable of repeating the (absurd) question he had asked earlier. It’s fine. Seungmin had heard it perfectly well. He just needed to make sure _that_ was exactly what Jisung was asking.

“Why would you ask that?” He whines once he’s kicked Jisung enough to turn the sounds coming from his mouth into yelps of pain rather than laughter.

“It’s just- you sneak off to his room every night. Does Felix even mind?”

“We don’t _do_ anything, stupid.” Seungmin kicks Jisung in the side as he leans down to pick up his laptop. Jisung tries to grab Seungmin’s foot in his left hand but he fails drastically and instead opts to lay fully flat on the ground. Seungmin is fine with that. He can kick him easier, and it’s harder for Jisung to get away.

“Then why do you sleep there?”

“Because you and Changbin are busy being gross in here!” Seungmin exclaims, eyes scanning over the phrases that his Google search provided him with. He sighs. He’s used them all already.

“Not every day!”

“I’m not fond of checking!”

Jisung’s jaw falls open a little in shock before he’s laughing all over again, a bit of pink in his cheeks, either from embarrassment or amusement, Seungmin has no idea. He doesn’t even know what Jisung is currently finding so funny.

 _“I’m not fond of checking”_ Jisung mimics once he’s calmed down a little. “Can you just admit you’re in love with Hyunjin already?”

Seungmin shakes his head like Jisung is talking utter rubbish (he is) before trying a Yahoo search.

“Don’t be silly Sungie, Hyunjin is my best friend.” Is all he says, and that’s that on that.

Except it isn’t, because after that conversation, when Seungmin is lying in Hyunjin’s bed that night, he becomes hyper-aware of the hand on his hip, like it’s burning straight through his skin. It doesn’t feel uncomfortable, it’s just that Seungmin never noticed how _strong_ Hyunjin is and how _tightly_ he grips Seungmin. Hyunjin had passed out ages ago, and he’s breathing all over Seungmin’s neck again, which should gross Seungmin out because it _is_ gross but it doesn’t- in fact, it’s almost comforting.

The small things, like Hyunjin’s hand on Seungmin’s waist and his feathery breaths on Seungmin’s neck- they’re all small reminders that Hyunjin is there and _present_ and maybe that’s why Seungmin enjoys sleeping in Hyunjin’s bed so much. Not because it’s more comfortable than his own, and neither because he doesn’t have to listen to Changbin grunt and Jisung’s headboard bang against the wall- no, maybe it’s simply because Hyunjin’s bed is where Hyunjin is. And Hyunjin’s presence is enough to send Seungmin into a peaceful slumber.

Seungmin shakes his head as if to get rid of these funny little thoughts in his mind, but before he finally closes his eyes in hopes of getting some sleep, he gently threads his own fingers through Hyunjin’s hand on his hip. It fits nicely, and eases Seungmin’s worries.  

 

\--

“I’m going to die.”

“Don’t be dramatic.”

Hyunjin sighs and flops on to the floor of the large dance studio, ignoring the way the floor is hard and scrapes at his limp elbows and knees.

“I’m _not.”_ He reasons. Seungmin’s expression doesn’t hold an ounce of sympathy. “I’m _really not.”_ Hyunjin insists, “I’m _actually_ going to die. Like, tomorrow Minho hyung will walk in and I’m just going to be a pile of sweat and maybe a bit of muscle.”

Seungmin snorts, moving from his position of standing with a patronising look and crossed arms, to sit crossed legged next to Hyunjin’s sprawled form.

“You can’t leave behind muscle if you never had any to begin with.”

Hyunjin attempts to kick Seungmin in the shin and ultimately misses terribly, which makes him groan in equal amounts of pain and humiliation.

 _“Not_ the point. I’m really going to die; this routine will be the death of me.”

Seungmin flicks him in the chest and watches in triumph as Hyunjin curls up into a tight ball, like some kind of roly poly bug.

“Don’t be so dramatic.” Seungmin repeats, “Shall I put the music back on?”

Hyunjin sighs, then very slowly, and extremely reluctantly, stands from his ridiculous position on the floor,

“Yeah.” He says in defeat.

The truth is, Seungmin has always loved to watch Hyunjin dance. The boy moves like the waves of the ocean, fluid and beautiful. It’s like there isn’t a single bone in Hyunjin’s body when he dances, he moves with no restrictions, his form flowing smoothly, wherever he wishes to take it. Seungmin had always wished he could move like Hyunjin can, all pretty stances and pointy toes, but the truth is he’s a bit stiff and awkward- yet watching Hyunjin dance makes up for his own lack of talent in the field, because Hyunjin is mesmerising when he’s doing what he loves, he’s an enigma, a shining star, whether he’s on stage in makeup and fancy clothes or in the middle of a stuffy practise room dripping with sweat, Hyunjin’s body slips easily into whatever beat it needs to.

It slips into the Day6 song that Seungmin blasts after sneakily hooking his phone up to the speakers. Hyunjin is momentarily surprised, but he doesn’t let it stop him from Toprocking all over the floor of the dance studio, and Seungmin only wavers for a few seconds before he’s air-guitaring next to him. Hyunjin gives up on his b-boying pretty quickly, and soon they’re both screaming the lyrics at the top of their lungs, Seungmin on “guitar” and Hyunjin on “keys.”

They flop to the floor, exhausted when the song ends and Hyunjin’s foot poking into Seungmin’s ribs makes him giggle.

“Do you remember us doing this when we were kids?” Hyunjin asks, out of breath, but smiling. Seungmin nods, a nostalgic look in his eyes,

“Yeah. Every weekend when my parents went out for dinner, until Mrs Moon complained from next door.”

Hyunjin snorts, remembers the time he and Seungmin got a little too carried away to even notice that someone was knocking on the door downstairs. Mrs Moon had eventually given up and phoned Seungmin’s parents, who were forced to return earlier than usual, and Hyunjin was immediately sent home whilst they scolded Seungmin for being irresponsible. Hyunjin and Seungmin were ultimately banned from sleeping over at each other’s houses for a month, and Seungmin’s Bluetooth speakers were confiscated but, in a fifteen year old Hyunjin’s words, it was _totally worth it._

“Missed this,” Hyunjin murmurs, and he doesn’t know if Seungmin hears it over their heavy breathing, but he needs to get it out. Seungmin’s eyes flicker over to him, Hyunjin is still unsure whether or not the action was caused by his words, but it feels good to say it. Seungmin doesn’t say anything, not until they’ve packed everything up and are on their walk home, and even then he only asks if Hyunjin wants to grab something to eat, but Hyunjin is barely listening, the unknown weight of his words still sitting heavily in his heart.

 

Hyunjin is a sentimental person. He likes birthdays and anniversaries, calendars and countdowns. He’s a _Pisces_ for crying out loud, it’s in his nature to sob on the same date every year. So naturally, he never has to try and remember the day he and Seungmin met (no, not the day Seungmin told him fingers up the nose give diseases, but rather the day that Seungmin had invited him outside to play for the first time. Hyunjin pretends that first encounter doesn’t exist.)

It happens on March 4th, Hyunjin used to buy Seungmin gifts but one year he was too broke to buy anything so instead he’d made Seungmin a playlist, and Seungmin had cried so much Hyunjin promised to never do it again. This year, it seems fitting to pass off the gift idea again, until he and Seungmin are sprawled on the grass in the park (March 4th calls for sharing the whole day together regardless of whatever plans they had- it’s so serious, Hyunjin had once cancelled his date with Seoyeon because of it), and Seungmin pulls out a small box from his pocket. Hyunjin’s heart rate picks up before he pinches himself, tells him this is Seungmin, the same kid who plucked his eyebrows for him when he was fourteen.

 “I’m not proposing.” Seungmin jokes upon seeing the fright in Hyunjin’s face, and Hyunjin cackles, throwing his head back so the sound bounces around them. Seungmin grins.

“I would have said no anyway.” Hyunjin counters, and Seungmin sticks out his tongue in response before throwing the small box into Hyunjin’s lap.

“Hope you like it -somewhat.” He says, faking nonchalance that Hyunjin can see right through. He picks up the box and feels his breath catch in his throat when he opens it.

It’s a necklace, a silver chain with a ring-like pendant attached to the end, a heart in the middle with a small crown on top. Inside the heart sits a blue-green gemstone, and when Hyunjin lets the pretty thing slip through his fingers, it glitters in the light of the midday sun.

“Seungmin…” He breathes, unsure of what to say, but Seungmin beats him to it,

“It’s a Claddagh necklace… represents loyalty and friendship.” Seungmin sounds like he’s reading off a script, monotone and emotionless, but when Hyunjin finally drags his gaze away from the pretty jewellery resting in the palm of his hand, he spies a small blush pigmented in Seungmin’s cheeks.

“It’s beautiful.” Hyunjin finally manages to respond, “Thank you.”

Seungmin shrugs,

“Found it at a thrift store.” He says, but Hyunjin doesn’t even have to try to figure out if he’s lying. He already knows he is.

“What’s this gem in the middle?”

“Your birthstone, dumbass.” Seungmin snorts, and for extra measure he pushes at Hyunjin’s knee with his shoe-clad foot. It should hurt, but Hyunjin pays too little attention to even feel it. “Aquamarine,” Seungmin continues, and then tilts his head a little like he’s deep in thought, “Mercy and compassion and…” He trails off in a mumble, so Hyunjin’s head perks up in curiosity,

“And?” He presses.

“I don’t remember.” Seungmin says. He’s lying again but Hyunjin allows it to pass and instead asks Seungmin to put the necklace around his neck. Seungmin tells him to fuck off and do it himself- he bought him an expensive gift _and_ he has to put it on for him, like some maid? But Hyunjin widens his eyes and juts his bottom lip into a pout and Seungmin just tells him that face makes him look ugly, before he daintily clasps the necklace around Hyunjin’s neck. It looks pretty against his skin, all shine and sparkles, just like its owner, and Seungmin can’t bring himself to look Hyunjin in the eye for the rest of the afternoon.

 

“I’m fucked.” Seungmin announces when he enters the dorm room two days later and Jisung barely looks up from his huge text book to acknowledge his roommates presence.

“That’s nice.” He simply mutters, “By who?”

“Hwang Hyunjin.” Seungmin responds, flopping face-first onto his bed. “Hwang _fucking_ Hyunjin.”

There’s a laugh that sounds nothing like Jisung at all, and only then does Seungmin realise that Changbin had been lounging on their dorm floor when he walked in.

“Shut up, Changbin. No one asked you.”

“There wasn’t even a question-” Changbin starts, but he’s cut off by Seungmin’s _awful_ imitation,

 _“There wasn’t even a question.”_ Seungmin mimics in his SpongeBob meme voice and Changbin glowers.

 _“Anyway,”_ Jisung quickly cuts in before his boyfriend and his roommate start up one of their ~~daily~~ hourly quarrels. “You fucked Hyunjin?” He says, “About time.”

“No!” Seungmin protests, “No I didn’t! He’s fucking with my _brain.”_

Changbin snorts.

“Didn’t know he was into that.”

“Seo Changbin I swear to _god-”_

“How!” Jisung just about _yells._ He _really_ does not need this back and forth bicker right now, _not_ when he has a test to study for that’s literally _tomorrow._

Seungmin blinks owlishly,

“How what?” He asks.

Jisung sighs, and then patiently closes his textbook. It doesn’t look like he’s going to get any studying done.

“How is Hyunjin messing with you?”

Seungmin chews on his lip for a good minute before answering,

“I think I’m in love with him.” He whispers.

Changbin is off the floor before the first tear can even drip from Seungmin’s eyes, and Seungmin’s heart swells, because even though he and Changbin argue like siblings, Changbin is also a lot like an older brother to him, a parent-figure, and _god_ Seungmin misses his parents- his _mom,_ she would know exactly what to do.

Seungmin buries his face into Changbin’s hoodie, which smells too much like Jisung, and this only makes Seungmin cry harder because _goddamn why do Hyunjin and Jisung use the same cologne._

“Can you take this off?” Seungmin mutters once he’s calmed down a bit. Changbin’s eyes widen when Seungmin tugs at the bottom of his hoodie, and they avert to where Jisung sits on the other side of Seungmin, gently patting his back.

“Hey, that’s _my_ boyfriend.”

“It smells like Hyunjin, stupid.” Seungmin says, and that only makes him cry harder because why the _hell_ does he know Hyunjin’s exact smell, and _why_ is it affecting him this much. Hyunjin is his best friend, his other half, but it’s always been platonic; Hyunjin had his finger up his nose when they first met for god’s sake, _how did Seungmin fall for him?_

“I don’t know how this happened.” Seungmin hiccups, and Changbin- sweet, sweet Changbin- removes his hoodie before pulling Seungmin back into his (now) shirt-clad chest.

“It’s been a long time coming, buddy.” Jisung supplies (totally unhelpfully) but it makes Seungmin bolt upright in curiosity,

“What does that mean?” He asks and Jisung looks guiltily over Seungmin’s shoulder at Changbin who’s obviously shaking his head violently (Seungmin can _see_ from the corner of his eyes, goddamnit Changbin) but Jisung only shrugs before continuing. “It’s just that- well, a lot of people think you and Hyunjin _are_ dating.”

Seungmin’s eyes widen.

“What?”

“You guys are like- god, the way you look at him Minnie, it’s _so_ obvious.” Jisung shakes his head like he’s tired of watching love play out in front of him and Seungmin wonders how long Jisung has just let him blatantly dote over his best friend for.

It turns out, ever since _forever,_ because Jisung had initially thought Seungmin and Hyunjin _were_ a couple till he’d asked that one time and Seungmin had freaked out.

“This is embarrassing.” Seungmin moves to bury his head into Changbin’s lap, who allows it easily and begins to thread his fingers through Seungmin’s hair. “This is _really_ embarrassing. Do you think anyone else noticed?”

“Maybe no-” Changbin begins but Jisung’s voice is louder,

“Oh definitely.” He butts in.

 _“Jisung.”_ Changbin hisses, his voice drowned out by Seungmin’s mortifying moan against his legs,

“This is _terrible._ How will I face him?”

Jisung sighs as he gently rubs circles into Seungmin’s back, the action meant to be comforting, but Jisung wears a lot of rings and they’re digging into his skin uncomfortably. Still, Seungmin would appreciate the gesture if he wasn’t going through a life crisis.

“Hyunjin is very dense, Seungminnie.” Jisung says after a while, “It may be obvious to everybody else, but well, Hyunjin is. Hyunjin.”

“Don’t make fun of Hyunjin!” Seungmin interjects quickly, and then groans once again, in absolute mortification upon the realisation of how whipped he is. “This is _disgusting.”_ He announces, “It’s _horrible._ I _hate_ it.”

Changbin chuckles, then prods Seungmin until he sits up- which he does so, begrudgingly.”Don’t stress over it.” He says finally, “Hyunjin thinks the world of you- whether that’s platonic or not. He really does.”

 

Seungmin doesn’t sleep in Hyunjin’s bed that night, or the night after. Hyunjin says nothing until it’s been a week and Seungmin can’t keep avoiding him at night anymore.

Hyunjin turns up outside Seungmin’s dorm at ten pm. Seungmin has just finished in the shower- Jisung is splashing in there now, and Seungmin was hoping to take advantage of Jisung’s ridiculously extensive shower routine to use the quiet atmosphere to work on his assignment- or stare at a blank word document whilst he thinks about the beauty mark under Hyunjin’s right eye- either is fine. Except Seungmin’s only just pulled up a blank document when there’s a sharp knock on the door- immediately recognising it, and then cursing himself for recognising it.

“I’m working.” He grumbles when Hyunjin saunters in, but Seungmin doesn’t stop him, only trails after him, head hanging in defeat.

“You don’t visit me at night anymore.” Hyunjin says in response, raising an eyebrow at the blank document on Seungmin’s laptop. Seungmin slams it shut, like that will convince Hyunjin he had just been about to work,

“Changbin hyung’s been busy,” Seungmin shrugs, “Jisung’s going to hyung’s room more often these days.”

Hyunjin purses his lips together, like he’s preventing himself from saying what they’re both thinking- or what they both know- Seungmin is a blatant liar, and his excuses are pettier than his explanations.

“What are you working on?” Hyunjin says instead, flopping on Seungmin’s bed, shoes and all. Seungmin swats at him and Hyunjin laughs, the laugh that gives him crinkles by his eyes and sets his perfect teeth in a straight line, bright and happy. It’s the laugh, Seungmin will tell himself later, it’s the laugh that makes Seungmin crumble, because he murmurs something about the deadline being faraway, before suggesting they watch a movie instead. Hyunjin nods, pleased, and as he toes off his shoes Seungmin picks the first thing in his Netflix recommended list, and they watch in silence.

When Jisung emerges from the shower room thirty minutes later, he’s met with the sight of a sleeping Seungmin and a drowsy-looking Hyunjin drawing patterns on the other boy’s chest. Jisung’s breath hitches and it causes Hyunjin to look up, before his eyes flash in fear and then defeat,

“I’m gone for.” Hyunjin whispers, and Jisung doesn’t know if it’s meant for him, or for Hyunjin himself, but he doesn’t respond, only quietly pads over to his bed and lies down, facing away from the other two.

When Jisung startles awake at four in the morning, it’s to see a sleepy Hyunjin slipping out of their dorm, Seungmin still passed out, blissfully unaware.

  



	2. ii.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Seungmin is still Seungmin, yet without his Hyunjin counterpart. And it should be okay- it should be fine- except it isn’t because Seungmin isn’t Seungmin without Hyunjin.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello hi nobody's going to read this bc you're all waiting for part 2 but I just want to say Happy One Year since the release of I AM: Not!! ok now go ahead read it i hope i met your expectations uwu
> 
> thanks to dustee for beta-ing as always

There’s a shift in them after that night, Jisung notices. Seungmin doesn’t sigh over Hyunjin’s eye mole, or lip mole, or any mole, or any  _ Hyunjin,  _ and it would be worrying if there was something else, but there isn’t. Seungmin is still happy, still diligent and still the same. He still wakes up twenty three minutes before his morning lectures, still wears purple on Thursdays because it’s apparently something he’s done since he was four years old, and he still smiles at strangers and pets dogs in the streets. Seungmin is still  _ Seungmin,  _ yet without his Hyunjin counterpart. And it should be okay- it should be fine- except it isn’t because Seungmin isn’t Seungmin without Hyunjin.

Jisung only notices this properly when Felix barges into their room ten days later, and whines out,

_ “Hyunjin isn’t Hyunjin without Seungmin.” _

Jisung quickly slams his dorm room shut, wary of how loud Felix’s voice can get before sitting him down and making him spill.

“Hyunjin is so mopey these days.” Felix sighs, “And Hyunjin  _ never  _ mopes. He just gets on with things, Sungie, remember that time he completely flopped his test? He never  _ once  _ got upset, he just studied harder and aced the next one with a perfect score.” Felix sighs, a pout on his lips, “It feels like he’s gone. Talking to him is like talking to a brick wall. Last night I asked him if he wanted noodles for dinner and he told me he already ate coffee.  _ Ate! Coffee!” _

Jisung snickers, but he can’t help but feel saddened by this news. Hyunjin has always been sharp and alert, but even he can tell from their few encounters, that the boy has turned into something distant and aloof.

“We need to get them to sort their shit out.” Jisung says determinedly. Felix only looks at him. “And  _ fast.” _

The thing with Jisung plotting against Seungmin, is the fact that usually he’s plotting  _ with  _ Seungmin. Seungmin is the one with the braincells in their friendship; Jisung just has a lot of connections. But with Seungmin out of the picture, Jisung goes to the next most brainy person he knows- Changbin.

It’s difficult devising a plan with Changbin when the older boy’s lips are so enticing, and all Jisung ever wants to do when he sees them is press his own against them, until he has Changbin flushed and panting. But this  _ isn’t  _ about them, and so Jisung tries his utmost hardest to not look anywhere past Changbin’s eyes when he meets him. In the library. In public. So they won’t be inclined to practise indecency. (Not like being in public has ever stopped them before, but Jisung likes to think he’s rational and mature and a little more responsible now compared to last week.)

“Seungmin and Hyunjin are suffering but they’re being dumbasses about it.” He rushes out in one breath. Changbin blinks, slightly surprised, before his (cute) grin shows up on his face,

“Baby,” He says and Jisung melts a tiny bit.  _ How  _ is he supposed to stay focused when Changbin is looking at him like  _ that?  _ “I told you they’ll figure it out themselves. Don’t meddle.”

“But they’re avoiding each other and they’re going to end up miserable  _ and _ with other people if they don’t sort this out!” Jisung proclaims, a little too loud he guesses by the glare that the librarian shoots him. “Look, Seungmin is an ace at avoiding his problems, and Hyunjin is an ace at respecting everything that Seungmin wants, so if we’re not careful Seungmin will end up married to someone who’s  _ not  _ Hyunjin, with three children who  _ don’t  _ belong to Hyunjin, and  _ Hyunjin  _ will live as a hermit.”

Changbin laughs and pulls Jisung into his lap, still looking at him with those fond eyes,

“I understand your worry babe, I really do. But they’ll sort this out- they’re smart kids. Us getting involved will only cause tension, and maybe a fallout. You don’t want that, do you?”

Jisung sighs and noticing that Changbin has his Serious And Mature face on, he lets the matter slide for now, finally allowing his eyes to fall onto Changbin’s lips, and claiming them as his own.

Jisung doesn’t give up on his mission. He considers it, for a total of half a day, but then he sees Seungmin entering their room, a smile on his face, and when Jisung offhandedly mentions Hyunjin, Seungmin still smiles and continues to talk about his thesis like the topic hadn’t even been brought up. So Jisung decides he needs someone else to help. He mulls over asking Minho, but Minho is a serious student with no more than five spare minutes in a day, so he quickly erases that idea. He thinks about Chan, Felix’s I-don’t-have-a-crush-on-him-friend, but Chan is respectful, and a lot like Changbin in the way that he refuses to get involved in other people’s business. That only leaves Felix and Jeongin. Jeongin is a child, Jisung had heard him say the word  _ cooties  _ last week, and so, ultimately, his last option is Felix.

Felix.

When Jisung tells Felix he’s going to help him with his matchmaking, Felix blinks slowly, and then points a finger at his own chest, like there’s a million other Felix’s in the room.

_ “Yes, you.”  _ Jisung growls, utterly disappointed in his own decision too, but also feeling helpless.

“What if we leave them alone?” Felix asks when they start piecing plans together. Jisung’s brow furrows, but before he can whine about betrayal, Felix is continuing, “You know how Changbin hyung kicked Seungmin out so he could  _ woo  _ you over or whatever? What if we somehow get Seungmin to stay in my dorm again, I could sleep on Chan’s couch for a few days, he wouldn’t even notice, and you can make up some excuse about Changbin wanting to share with you for a while. Then they’d  _ have  _ to talk.”

Jisung is silent as he ponders over the idea. It  _ isn’t  _ a bad one, in fact, it’s quite genius, coming from Felix’s half braincell, and it’s also the best they’ve got.

“Okay,” He shrugs, “I’ll talk to Seungmin.”

To Jisung’s  _ utter  _ disappointment, Seungmin is more than happy for Changbin to spend a week at their dorm whilst the leak is fixed in his own roof (it was all Jisung could think of, okay?) In fact Seungmin even sounded  _ excited,  _ like he  _ wants  _ to spend time with Changbin, but Jisung knows better- knows that Seungmin has only been looking for distractions these days.

So Jisung invites Changbin to stay the week and tells him to pretend his roof is leaking, and because Changbin is whipped for his boyfriend, he agrees easily.

But Jisung isn’t giving up as easily as Changbin is succumbing to his schemes, he absolutely refuses, and not even ten minutes into the night he’s climbing over Changbin’s lap, one hand on his boyfriend’s waist, the other holding his jaw.

“Babe what-” Changbin starts, but Jisung keeps kissing him until he shuts up and finally kisses back, satisfaction growing when he feels Changbin beginning to roll his hips up.

“Need Seungmin to leave.” Jisung murmurs, as quietly as possible, and he feels a disappointed sigh slip past his boyfriend’s lips, but no further objections.

Jisung is just slipping his hand into Changbin’s boxers when he hears their dorm room slam shut. He looks at the opposite bed, smiling in relief at what he sees- Seungmin’s pillow and Seungmin nowhere in sight, before rolling off his boyfriend.

“The fucking  _ audacity-”  _ Seungmin grumbles as he pushes open the door to Hyunjin and Felix’s dorm, his pillow whacking against the doorframe as he does so.

“Wh-” Hyunjin starts, but he can barely get a word out before Seungmin is angrily setting his shit up on Felix’s vacant bed,

“They  _ really  _ had the nerve to start  _ fucking  _ whilst I was literally  _ in the room  _ trying to  _ sleep,  _ the shamelessness, the utter absurdity, the…” Seungmin continues to mutter curses under his breath, and Hyunjin can’t help but watch fondly. His mind flicks back to about two hours ago when Felix had packed a small bag and squeaked something about spending the night in Chan’s room, and Hyunjin hadn’t even questioned it considering how frequent of an occurrence it was- until Seungmin came barging in. Now the puzzle pieces were falling into place. Jisung and Felix had pretty much given him an open opportunity on a silver platter, he just had to make sure he treated it with care.

“Seungmin,” He whispers, once he senses the other boy tucked into Felix’s sheets, the muttering subsided but now replaced with tossing and turning. Seungmin can’t sleep without socks, Hyunjin knows this, but he also knows Seungmin is way too considerate of others to disrespect their preferences, even without them knowing.

“Seungmin.” Hyunjin tries again, and Seungmin releases a deep sigh.

“What?” He asks irritably.

“Put your socks on.” Hyunjin says, “Put your socks on, and get over here.”

The rustling on the other side of the room stills for a moment, and Hyunjin is afraid Seungmin is going to gather his things and go and sleep in the hallway, but then it starts up again- there’s a bit of shuffling, a bit more rustling, before there’s a warm body lying next to Hyunjin.

Seungmin lays facing Hyunjin, eyes darting everywhere except Hyunjin’s own, and it’s making him slightly dizzy.

“Seungmin.” Hyunjin whispers again and Seungmin groans,

_ “Stop  _ repeating my name like that. It’s so patronising.”

Hyunjin frowns,

_ “Minnie.” _

Seungmin sighs again, but doesn’t protest this time,

“Minnie, Minnie, Minnie,” Hyunjin chants, “We’re so dumb. So stupid.” Seungmin doesn’t say anything, only watches his best friend carefully, and Hyunjin’s heart aches with the amount of trust in Seungmin’s eyes. Hyunjin lifts a finger, presses it gently against Seungmin’s forehead, before tracing down the slope of his nose and the curve of his lips. Seungmin is still silent.

“I like you, Minnie,” Hyunjin breathes finally, “I like you so much it makes my heart hurt and my muscles ache.” Seungmin shifts a little, but remains silent and unblinking. It should be unnerving, intimidating even, but the only word Hyunjin can think of to describe the feeling is  _ exhausting,  _ “I’ve liked you since we were dumb kids, making castles out of mud and crowns out of leaves. I like you… I  _ really  _ like you…” Hyunjin trails off. He’s choking up, can feel the tears in the back of his throat, though he doesn’t know  _ why,  _ and  _ goddamnit  _ he really wanted to finish his confession without crying but it’s hard, so hard when Seungmin is tearing up too and-

“Fortresses.” Seungmin chokes out finally, “They weren’t castles. They were fortresses.”

Hyunjin doesn’t know how to respond with words, so he doesn’t, and instead leans forward. Seungmin is waiting- Seungmin will  _ always  _ be waiting- and when their lips touch, Hyunjin feels like he’s been missing out, missing out for so long, because if he knew- damn if he knew kissing Seungmin would feel like this he would have cut the crap ages ago and kissed him the day he met him, he would have never dated any of those people before college, never would have even glanced at anybody else, not when he had this beauty, this  _ enigma  _ in front of him this whole time, an enigma who-

“Wait, wait-” Hyunjin feels breathless, he  _ is  _ breathless, but he needs- he needs to know, “You- you like me back- right? You don’t just-”

“I like you.” Seungmin says quick, but soft. He presses a fingertip to Hyunjin’s bottom lip, “I like you more than you’ll ever know.”

Hyunjin wants to argue, wants to tell Seungmin there’s no  _ way  _ he can’t know, there’s no way there’s a love out there bigger than his own, but Seungmin’s lips are back on Hyunjin’s again, and he’s getting confident this time, there’s some tongue and a bit of teeth so it’s messy but Hyunjin couldn’t care less, not when there’s a beauty of a boy wrapped around him, kissing him breathless, insistent and passionate, like oxygen is no longer a requirement when you have the lips of a lover on your own.

-x-x-x-

“I think they’re sleeping.”

Jisung groans, bangs his head against the wall, then groans again- this time in pain. He’d tried  _ so  _ hard, why couldn’t those dumbasses just confess already?

“They’re so fucking stupid.” He mutters into Changbin’s neck. Next to him he can hear Chan snicker, and Felix whisper a hurried  _ shhh. _

“Can they at least be sleeping in the same bed-” Felix says quietly, his voice full of optimism, but Jisung shakes his head, giving up on optimism.

“They’ll figure it out themselves.” Changbin says, and Chan nods in agreement, “I told you.”

“They  _ won’t.”  _ Jisung replies, “They had an opportunity right in their faces and they  _ still  _ didn’t take it, what makes you think-”

“Wait, guys, hush.” Chan mutters. He’d been looking kind of irritated ever since Felix had dragged him down the hallway, but he also refused to leave Felix’s side, so he really didn’t have much of a choice- but now he was suddenly looking wide awake- an odd look on him, Jisung notes. “Do you hear that?”

There’s a soft, a  _ very  _ soft, whimper.

Jisung jolts,

“Is Seungminnie having one of his nightmares?” He says, roommate instincts kicking in, “Comfort him Hwang!” He whisper-shouts.

Felix’s eyes suddenly widen, as do Changbin’s. Chan and Jisung strain to listen innocently.

“I don’t- that doesn’t- I don’t think it’s a nightmare Sungie,” Changbin whispers finally.

There’s the sound of low  _ thump,  _ like a headboard hitting a wall.

Jisung stills.

“Well shit.” He mutters, dazed, unsure of whether to be totally grossed out or inexplicably ecstatic. Before he can make a decision, Changbin is gripping his arm, muttering a  _ let’s really leave them alone this time,  _ and Jisung, deciding it’s worth it, allows him to do so.

Jisung decides, that it was  _ totally  _ worth it, the next day, when he’s seated opposite Seungmin in the cafeteria, describing the strange  _ sounds  _ he’d heard down the hallway, and Seungmin’s cheeks are coated completely in a raging, pink blush. 

**Author's Note:**

> do people who sleep with socks deserve rights? let's discuss.
> 
> ALSO I made [a cc](https://curiouscat.me/felixseo) if anyone wants to send me anonymous hate :DD 
> 
>  
> 
> [twitter](https://twitter.com/feiixseo)


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